25 Things

Just a post from the Facebook page. . . 1. I come from a large family. I have 4 sisters, 3 brothers, 1 twin sister and 2 brothers that are also twins. No, we are not Catholic. 2. Without a doubt smoking is the dumbest thing I have ever done - I am currently 1 week into not smoking for about the millionth time. 3. I don't think being a conservative makes me racist or prejudiced. I think we offer solutions that aren't necessarily the easiest or most sympathetic, but this world ain't about easy. It's tough, and it's up to you to do something about it. 4. I realize every day that I become more and more like my parents - and every day I mind less and less. 5. I sometimes feel like my entire life has been an uphill climb - I've struggled to succeed in every way - whether it's in school, sports, dating, a career, friendships, everything. Then I tell myself to stop being such a baby and keep moving forward. 6. I have more dreams and aspirations than I can possibly fulfill in a lifetime. I'll try to keep checking things off my list anyway. 7. Every day I find a reason to remind myself that I am not as smart as I think. 8. I exercise and try to be healthy but I often find the things I like most are really bad for me. 9. I've discovered that I become things I never thought I would - I never thought I'd get into politics but in less than one year it is all I think about - it's been quite a journey of self discovery. 10. I know I will never understand women, and I know I have horrible instincts when it comes to women but I continue to make stupid mistakes anyway. 11. I sometimes revert to being quiet and introverted. When my twin and I started kindergarten she ran around talking to everyone while I sat in a chair and talked to no one. I'm told this came about when we learned to talk - people would ask us questions and I'd begin to respond but my sister would butt in and answer for me. So I stopped talking! I love ya anyway sis! 12. I love music and wish that I had taken my music education more seriously when I was younger. I'd love to just pick up a guitar and play a song or rock out on a drum set to some Stone Temple Pilots. 13. I pride myself on not getting sick very often - I credit that to eating a healhy lunch every day, not drinking soda, and not using medicine unless I absolutely have to. . . 14. I have lots of great ideas for documentary films but need the money and time. I'm always trying to acquire more of both. 15. I used to be pro choice. I can't possibly fathom what made me think that was right. 16. I don't completely buy into this global warming thing - I feel like we should reduce pollution and carbon emissions, and get the gas guzzlers off the road. I also am sick to death of these Hollywood libs telling us all how horrible we are for ruining the planet while they fly around in their private jets. I hate hypocrites. 17. I honestly don't feel right now like I'm going to meet a woman that I could start a family with. . . 18. I question the existence of God all the time - but I find myself defending his existence to those annoying atheists who feel like they're superior to believers 19. I've found that when I want something I've gotten it - but not first without a lot of patience, disappointment, perseverance, and failure . 20. I love to fly and go rock climbing but if I stare at a carnival ride long enough there's no way in hell you'll get me on it. . . 21. I don't know about marijuana but I heard some idiot argue for legalizing the harder drugs because the prisons are full - what do you think all the drug dealers will suddenly start doing the right thing after it's legalized? Moron. 22. I am fairly certain things will get better and the Democrats will take credit for it. If things do not get better Republicans will be blamed. 23. I lost a lot of respect for the mainstream media in this last election - their behavior was disgusting and unprofessional. 24. I love my family, my nieces and nephews and my friends. When things are bad I remind myself how lucky I am. 25. I hope that someday after I die I can go golfing with my grandpa again, or play rummy with my grandma, take a bike ride through the countryside, play with all my pets again and see everyone I ever loved in this life. That's the hope I hold out for and the faith I pursue. I can't imagine not believing in anything at all.

Rumblings of Imminence - on its way. . .

I'm a bit apprehensive - I am getting ready to submit my first finished film to its first film festival tomorrow.  I'm trying to get into the Big Muddy Film Festival, which happens to take place at my alma mater, Southern Illinois University so I am hoping that will give me an added boost of luck. It's kind of a scary thing - I've been working on this project for three years.  While I feel like I should have completed this project in 1 or 2 years I also feel good about myself for having undertaken it and working on it amongst the very few moments of free time I have.  Those moments don't happen often when you work 2 jobs, do freelance production and belong to a very large family that keeps your social calendar full all year long.  But I did it and that to me is good enough. 

I'm anxious to see how my work is perceived - assuming it gets played before an audience!  Whether it's the Big Muddy Film Festival or some other festival later on I hope that I'm able to at least get it screened in front of 1 crowd consisting of people I don't know.  Sure I can show it to friends and family but I can't help but think there's a bit of bias in their reviews of my work.  I appreciate their support.   

As we filmmakers like to say I have abandoned this film and am finished tinkering, editing, 'ideating' and re-editing.  But I won't ever stop worrying that I could've made it better, longer, more informative, more dramatic, more engaging to the audience - there's a million different things I could have done but what I have is what I decided was right.  I hope that this is the first of many films I can produce, because I've got a list in my head of projects I want to start working on.  So if anyone has monetary contributions they'd like to make so that I  can quit my job and become a filmmaker full time I'd love to hear from you!